Though their streak on the N64 began with Goldeneye 007, I know them best for Banjo-Kazooie, which built upon the groundwork of Mario 64 to refine the principles of the 3D platformer in terms of both scope and mechanics. I guess to understand Conker, one has to first remember that Rare, the team of depraved geniuses behind this mat shot of a game, was one of the strongest developers in the industry from 1997-2001. As I sit slumped in my chair, my eyes swollen from a combination of overindulging in alcohol and squinting at blocky graphics smeared across my friends’ Panasonic HDTV, I struggle to scribble out a decent reading of one the N64’s last releases in my notebook. Conker, after all, begins his journey by leaving his bar after a night of binge drinking, taking a wrong left turn, and then waking up to a similar condition. Some sixteen-odd hours later, I sit down to gather my terribly typed notes from last night and scattered memories of my first encounter with Conker, and I immediately recognize how appropriate it is that I write an article about this game while experiencing a hangover sent straight from 64-bit hell. I pause the game to take another sip of whisky just slightly younger than the cartridge in the console, and I turn to my friend, saying, “It’s really a classy game, Tara.”

We soon skip ahead to face the opera-belching Great Mighty Poo in mortal combat, one of the game’s most infamous moments.

Tara, another friend, looks up from her iPad and watches with a mixture of inquisitiveness and disgust, apparently unaware of how weird Conker’s Bad Fur Day can actually get. My friend James pours us each another glass of scotch as I begin my third attempt to direct a cartoon squirrel to push a dung ball up a fecal mountain.

Bad fur day